adhd

Nothing Else Needed: ADHD and Feeling Like You're Never Enough

Day 18: Being Enough

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I’m not enough.

Have you ever felt this way?

I know I have.

As a woman with ADHD tendencies, there are those days where I simply feel like I’m not enough.

Like something within me is broken.

Like things that feel so challenging for me seem so easy for others.

Sometimes when you’ve spent a lifetime being subtly corrected for things like

being unorganized

running late

poor planning

taking a long time to finish somthing

not finishing many things

having piles of stuff

shutting down

being super sensitive

being unreliable

forgetting things

misplacing things

losing things

the list goes on…

you can feel like something’s gone horribly wrong. You may feel llike you’re not even really an adult. You can barely take care of yourself, let alone anyone else.

If and when you feel this way pause and remember that you are not your condition.

You are enough. Exactly as you are.

You are worthy. There is nothing that needs to be done to earn or prove that you’re worthy. You just are.

Every single one of us was born that way. Fearfully and wonderfully made.

When you are tempted to look outside of yourself for a solution…nothing else is needed.

When you are tempted to find another planner, chart, program, system…nothing else is needed.

Just start from the place that nothing else is needed.

Just you.

You are enough.

~Shaun

The Magic Art of Managing Your Mind

Day 15: Mind Management

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Which comes first the chicken or the egg?

Do feelings happen to us or do we create how we feel by what we think?

For a minute, pretend with me that we have complete control over how we think.

What I mean is, there are situations or scenarios that happen in life, we then have thoughts about them (based on our unique life experiences), and our thoughts generate feelings in our body.

Now let’s take it a step further and really play this out.

Imagine you are in Vegas at a magic show. The magician (me) is 100% convinced that how you feel and act is 100% controlled by your brain (not by outer circumstances).

I’m going to prove it to you during my show, by hypnotizing you and “talking” to the part of your brain that regulates emotions, feelings and thoughts.

I tell you that after snapping my fingers and counting backwards from 5, you will be hypnotized. Able to hear my voice, but only one part of your brain will be actively engaged. The part that regulates emotions, feelings and thoughts.

I then tell you that I am going to describe 3 different scenarios and each time I do, I will hold up various “feeling” signs, and you are going to scan for that feeling in your body. If you feel it, you’ll raise your hand, and I’ll then ask you what you’re thinking and for you to share your thoughts with us.

Ok, here we go. Pretend with me that you’re now hypnotized and a part of the show.

Scenario one:

“5, 4, 3, 2, 1… I want you to imagine we’re nearing the end of our show, when suddenly a fire breaks out backstage. You’re all firefighters. ”

I hold up a card that says Brave and some of you raise your hands and share thoughts like “I’m trained for this. Don’t worry, I’ll save us. I’ve rescued someone from a fire before.”

Next I hold up a card that says Confident and some of you share thoughts like “I’ve got this. I’m the right person for this job. Nobody works better under pressure than me.”

Finally, I hold up a card that says Terrified and a few of you share the thoughts “What am I even doing here? This is bad. We’re going to die!”

Scenario two:

“5, 4, 3, 2, 1…next scenario. We’re all at a Broadway musical together and the lead singer injures themselves during scene 3. We’ll all be stuck in this theater together forever unless the entire show is complete.”

I hold up a card that says Capable and some of you share thoughts like “The show must go on! I’ll do my best to take their place and finish the show. This could be fun.”

Next I hold up the card that says Distracted and a few of you share the thought “This show was boring anyway. I wonder what’s happening outside of the theater? When are we going to eat?”

Finally, I hold up the card that says Excited and a couple of you share the thoughts “I’ve always wanted to act on the big stage! This may be my big break! I wonder who might discover me!”

Scenario three:

“5, 4, 3, 2, 1…next scenario. The fire is under control and the show is over. You are all detectives and are tasked with figuring out what happened. Who set the fire and how did the lead actress get injured?”

I hold up the card that says Curious and some of you raise your hands and share thoughts like “I wonder where the fire started and who was backstage at that time. Could there be a connection between the actress getting injured and the fire?”

Next I hold up the card that says Determined and some of you share that you’re thinking “I’m going to ask questions until I get to the bottom of this. I’ll figure this out no matter what.”

Finally, I hold up the card that says Exhausted and a few of you think “Just what I need, another open case. I’ve got too many that I’m working on already. I’m so tired.”

“Now I’m going to count backwards from 10 and you’re all going to slowly come back to the present, using all parts of your brain. You’ll hold on to the belief that you can create your feelings with your mind.

Wait, what if you really can create feelings with your mind?

What if what you chose to think determines how you feel?

What if setting down feelings of distraction, boredom, overwhelm, worry, confusion becomes easier when we notice what we’re thinking when we feel those things?

What if rather than make it mean our brains are broken, or doing their own things and running the show, we just made it mean our brain was normal and just needed a baby sitter. Someone in charge.

As humans, we have the ability to think about what we think about. We can decide if a thought is serving us. If it’s making us feel the way we want to feel.

If a particular feeling isn’t working for us, we can change it. By thinking something different.

We often think we need to DO something different to feel better. It starts with THINKING something different.

Once we think differently, we’ll feel differently and can DO differently from there.

If you have any interest in learning how this is done, join me for my next free lunch and learn webinar on May 29th at 12 Noon PST.

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Change Your Thoughts To Change Your Life

Day 8: Thoughts

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Our thoughts are powerful.

I do free consultations each week.

There is not currently any type of requirement to jump on a consultation with me. You don’t have to meet certain criteria to “qualify” for a consultation.

We set a time, jump on a call, you share with me what’s been going on, where you feel stuck, what feels overwhelming.

I sometimes think about setting some requirements before we talk. An application of sorts. What I know is that my clients that invest in themselves often see the greatest results.

By answering a few short questions I can usually tell if you’re ready for a change. I mean really, really ready for a change.

That’s what I love doing the most. Helping those people, who just like me, back 7 years ago are sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. I was committed to figuring things out. Then I booked a consultation, ready and hoping to have an action to take.

I was willing to do whatever it took for change to happen.

I didn’t have belief in my ability, but my coach did, and I decided to have belief in her.

Back to what happens when we’re on a consultation call…

By the end of the call most people I talk to have a taste of what change could feel like.

They want to believe that it’s possible for them.

They are curious about the coaching process because it sounds like a different approach.

Most have tried taking various actions to get the results they want. From a new planner, to Weight Watchers, to a budgeting app, to an online course, they’ve tried a few things before they’ve decided to book a free call with me.

At the end of the session some of them believe they can’t afford coaching.

They think the cost (out of pocket) is more than their budget can handle.

I think NOT coaching is more than their budget can handle.

Here’s what I mean by that.

What is the cost of continuing the way things are going and not changing? What will you miss out on? How could you have grown and what could you have accomplished if you started now vs waiting until a “better” time?

I get it, I’ve been there, and then I wasn’t.

I know that by becoming the best version of ourselves, we have access to more income. 

When we value ourselves more we invite others to value us more too.

When I hired my first coach, I heard the price, had an immediate thought of “oh wow, that is not what I had in mind.” (In fact it was about 3x what I thought it’d cost!)

I decided in that moment to believe so hard in myself and in her ability to help me that I decided to figure it out no matter what. And I did!

I found a way (it ended up being a payment plan) to get the result I was after.

It paid off. It was the start of a new chapter for me. I learned to stop shaming myself. I valued myself more.

The thought that I hear most often is “I just need a bit of time to figure it out.”

I soooo get it. As people with high functioning adhd, or adhd tendencies, we are used to “figuring things out.” We are confident in our ability to be resourceful and figure something out.

When it comes to getting forward motion in your life. I’d like to offer that the pause to figure things out can be the thing that keeps you from moving ahead. Decide, go all in, and THEN commit to figuring it out.

If you think that you alone need to figure out how to pay for coaching, I bet that you also believe that you alone can figure out how to manage your adhd tendencies. How has that worked up to this point?

My guess is that it hasn’t. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be here.

What if what you needed, was to figure it out with someone else, someone who gets you?

“I need to figure it out” is an innocent sounding but often not very helpful thought.

What can you think instead that will have you believing ahead of time that you will figure it out no matter what?

~Shaun