ADHD and Trustworthiness: How Can Others Trust Us When We Don't Trust Ourselves?

Day 2: Trustworthiness

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Are you trustworthy?

Here’s the definition as pulled from Google.

trust·wor·thy

/ˈtrəs(t)ˌwərT͟Hē/

adjective

  1. able to be relied on as honest or truthful.

    "leave a spare key with a trustworthy neighbor"

    synonyms: reliable, dependable, honest, full of integrity, worthy of trust, honorable, upright, principled, true, truthful, as good as one's word, ethical, virtuous, incorruptible, unimpeachable, above suspicion; responsible, sensible, levelheaded; loyal, faithful, true-blue, staunch, steadfast, trusty, constant, unswerving, unwavering; 

    tried and true, safe, secure, sound, guaranteed, unfailing, fool- proof, never-failing, reputable;

This has been a tricky one for me. I like to believe that I’m trustworthy.

All of those synonyms listed above make me nervous. I aspire to be all of those things and yet often fall short.

I have intentions of being trustworthy.

Often I’m not.

One way that my adhd shows up is by overscheduling and overcommiting.

That inner compass that helps to point people in the direction of knowing what they’re able to accomplish in a certain amount of time, can feel broken when you have adhd.

You want to do all the things. And have every intention of attempting to.

Our schedules can look packed with back to back “todo’s”. If you look closely, there are some thing’s missing.

Travel time. Prep time. Things like getting dressed, eating, sleeping and transitions.

These things all take time and yet often aren’t a part of the plan.

Also memory happens. On more than one occasion I’ve verbally committed to something and forgotten about it, and then committed to something else at the same time.

These moments can feel awful. Panicky and sweaty palmed I try to find a way to make it all right.

Often making it mean something about me. That something’s wrong with me. That I’m broken. Unfixable.

None of that is true. In fact shame makes it all worse. Magnifies it.

The way to be trustworthy is to feel it first. A thought that has helped me with this is, “I take care of business”.

When I think that, I feel reliable, trustworthy. I remember it’s who I am at my core. Who I am meant to be.

When I feel reliable and trustworthy, I act in trustworthy ways. I use my calendar more. I plan out my days. I look at my schedule before I commit to something. I say no if needed.

Are you trustworthy? Do you want to be?

It starts with you believing that you are.