How to Feel Confident When You're Not Feeling Confident: Part I

Ahh, the magic of red lipstick!

I had the most interesting conversation this week with a client.

We were talking about how in certain areas, we both have established “cues” that we use to signal “game on”, “let’s do this” or “it’s time to leave it on the floor" (for my fellow dancers and cheerleaders at heart).

She is a power lifter and specifically when it’s time to compete, she puts on her red lipstick, hair up in a bun and that means “go” for her.

It causes her to think a thought that instantly has her feeling confident.

I have noticed that for me, when it comes to taking trips, whether it’s for vacation, or a trip to visit my sisters family back East, or a work conference, if and when I buy my plane ticket there’s no going back. Once I buy that ticket, it’s as good as done. My brain knows that I won’t purchase a plane ticket and waste it. I would never purchase the ticket and then just not go.

The plane ticket equates to a level of commitment for me. As soon as it’s purchased every cell in me knows “I’m going now” and believes it. I’m instantly confident in my ability to get myself on that plane and to whatever destination I’m headed to.

For my client, the red lipstick and bun (which are never worn in her everyday life) equate to a level of commitment for her. It signals to her brain that she’s not messing around.

I started to think of other situations where this might occur.

My husband is a big fan of baseball (Go Dodgers!). He often points out to me as we’re watching a game the quirks and habits that different players have. Something that they always do before they go up to bat, or something that is done before they leave the locker room.

You may think it’s superstition at work. But what if for them, it is more like a “cue” to their brain that it’s “go time”?! It’s like hitting the override switch.

Our minds are so very powerful and full of thoughts.

Our thoughts determine how we feel.

Our feelings determine the actions that we take.

Our actions determine our results.

Since our brains are wired to keep us safe and protect us, it often thinks thoughts that aren’t big enough for our goals.

People that feel confident are not just born that way. They have moments when they are not feeling confident too. They expect those moments and then are prepared and choose to hit the override switch and signal to their brain “let’s go”!

What if the cues that I mentioned above, were simply ways to intercept the small thoughts that won’t serve us, and instead put us into “big thought mode”?

What types of cues do you use? Share in the comments!

101 Benefits of an ADHD Coach: Validation

Have you ever felt like the odd one out? 

The one that just didn't fit in? 

Like maybe there was something wrong with you?

Like you were just different than the rest?

Have you ever started talking with someone that you just met and after spending just a little bit of time together, you feel like you just "got" each other?

It's as though you have shared similar paths at difference points in life. 

I hear this constantly from my coaching clients. In fact they've said one of the best parts of coaching is realizing that someone really "gets" them and has been in similar shoes.

Some people will describe it as "being able to complete anothers sentences". 

One client calls these moments that we have "twinning", meaning our matching "twin" tendencies are showing. I love that!

It can be a way of doing something, a way of being, or a way of thinking.

In coach lingo it is referred to as normalizing. 

When I describe a behavior, act or thought that is familiar to you, that you think is "not normal". 

When I then share how it's happened to me too. Or how it is very common with people that have ADHD tendencies. 

It can bring about an awareness that you are not the only one that does this.

It can trigger an aha moment, a realization, that you are in fact normal.

It is so validating to have someone speak your language and truly understand you. 

I know because I've worked with a coach myself and that's how I felt.

I've worked with clients and they've told me that's how it felt.

I'd love to work with you.

There's nothing wrong with you.

ADHD and Problem Solving: Everything Doesn't Have to Be Hard

Do you consider yourself a creative problem solver? 

One tendency that is often associated with ADHD is that of being a non-conformist. The skill of "thinking outside of the box" if you will.

Why does this happen you ask?

Well, to start with, many people with ADHD tendencies aren't aware of the box to begin with. In part due to active imaginations, solutions to problems can seem limitless.

A box can feel so small, so restrictive. If there is no box, or we look outside of the box, it can be so much more interesting! 

If there is a solution to be found, many times if one looks outside of the box it is residing there, just waiting to be discovered.

Why all of this talk about out of the box thinking you ask?

I've noticed in myself, because I love abstract thinking, I gravitate towards challenges. I have a very positive approach to obstacles. In fact, they are pretty exciting to me. 

This can be a terrific thing when a solution is needed. Or when tenacity needs to be built. 

But.

And this is a big but...

What if my thoughts about problem solving are actually drawing challenging situations to me?

What if I'm so focused on problem solving, I am skipping right over the things that I could be welcoming with open arms, no problem needed?

The things that could be easy.

This is a picture of my Uncle B and I. In January I got to visit him in TX and we spent a whole day chatting and catching up. At some point in the conversation I said, "I see this pattern with myself where I love when something is new and I need to figure it out, but once I'm comfortable and have got it figured, I'm done. It loses it's luster." 

He then asked me "Are you a challenge chaser? Are you drawn to the challenge of something for challenges sake?"

It really made me think. I may have been. I don't want to be.

Hi I'm Shaun. I'm a recovering challenge chaser. Everything does not have to be hard. In fact, sometimes I just want it to be easy. 

My new thought? This can be a challenge or easy.

I think I'll choose easy, and hit the easy button.

Can you relate to this? Are you a creative problem solver or a challenge chaser? Leave a comment or better yet, hit the button below to book a free 30 minute consultation with me and let's talk ADHD tendencies and how coaching can help!