ADHD Mindset

The Worst That Can Happen: ADHD and Anxiety

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Have you ever heard that saying? That 90% of what we worry about doesn’t end up happening.

I had heard it and when I really thought about it, I agreed. It was comforting to consider.

This blog post is not about that. Today I want to share about the 10% of not great stuff that DOES happen. 

By now you may know that I’m a mom with adhd and I have a son who also has adhd. It can make for some #funtimes (no really).

My son was 20, driving and often out late. I had spent at least 4 years worrying about what could happen while he was out. Freaking myself out. Fretting over the possibilities and my utter lack of control. Then it happened, one of the things I feared most.

I have always had a low lying anxiety for most of my life. Always just a little bit nervous or worried about things that “could” happen. As a child it was things that may happen to me. As a mom it became things that may happen to my kids.

As my son moved into the driving stage I noticed my anxiety increase.

What if he broke down on the side of the road? What if he drove too fast and wrecked? What if he didn’t pay attention to the lights? What if he crashed and ended up in a ditch? (I think this one was passed down from my mom and my teenage days)

What if, what if, what if?

It was a very fearful place to be in. As parents we try to do all of the things, hours of practice driving, track the phone so we know if they’re almost home, pray, pray, pray.

One night I went to bed at my usual time of 9:30, while my husband stayed up until what is typically close to Midnight before he heads to bed. After being asleep for a few hours, I woke up at 2:15am and noticed the bed was empty. I thought to myself “that’s strange” and felt a little curious. Just a hint of nerves.

I got up and peered over the stair rail. No husband on the couch. Hmm, that’s strange. 

I went downstairs to look for him. No husband to be seen. I checked the counter for his phone. No phone. Hmm, this is strange.

I was half asleep, but starting to panic. Telling myself “don’t panic, don’t panic”.

I checked the key rack for hubby’s keys. No keys. I mean NO KEYS. My son’s were not there either. 

I decided to look out of the front window to check the driveway for my son’s car - no car in the driveway. My brain decided to freak out a little bit.  My heart did a tap dance in my chest.

I called my husband. No answer. I called my son. No answer. I’m in full blown panic attack now. I can feel my heart pounding and racing. I feel light headed.

My phone rings and it’s my husband calling. He says the words “I’m at the Emergency room. Jami’s been burned. It’s bad.” Then silence. My brain exploded. I think “no, no, no, please God”.

My son then gets on the phone and says “mom I’m ok. They’re putting stuff on my face and hands and sending me home.” This is the moment I will remember…my brain took over and got very logical. It thought “he’s coming home. That’s a good sign.” I felt relieved, and waited.

He came home about an hour later. Hands bandaged. Face covered in what looked like vaseline (the stuff they use on firefighters to help with the pain and keep the skin moist). I cried. Tears of joy that he was alive.

Don’t get me wrong. He was not fine, but was going to be ok.

He had experienced a flash burn to the face while cooking at a friends house and putting water on a grease fire. He ended up with 1st and 2nd degree burns to his face and hands.

We ended up seeing a burn specialist the next day in San Francisco where they gave us the incredibly good news that he should heal up just fine over the course of a year.

The part that I have noticed now, a full year later is this. 

I worried for 4 years ahead of time, about “the worst that could happen” and felt awful.

Then, what I could imagine as the “worst that could happen” actually happened. My son was burned, and I felt awful for 48 hours.

Go figure. It wasn’t fun. But to be honest both were uncomfortable. All of the worrying I did beforehand did not prevent the injury from occuring.

The worry and discomfort ahead of time lasted for 4 years and was optional. 

The actual thing that I was worried could happen, DID happen and the discomfort lasted 48 hours.

This is how it works. You can worry ahead of time and suffer, or you can experience the discomfort when and if something happens and leave the suffering ahead of time alone.

If you’d like to learn more about how to manage your mind and anxious feelings, book a free consultation and let’s talk. You can start feeling better today.

The Real Reason Something Is Too Expensive For You

Let’s talk about spending money.

Have you ever had the thought “that’s way too expensive”?

Why?

The cost of something is relative. It’s neutral.

I had an experience the other day that I found fascinating.

My husband and I were in the grocery store and we went specifically to buy a box of tea.

Here’s a picture of what we were looking for.

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We found the box really quickly and it was $4.99.

I went to grab an additional flavor (peach), and my husband said, and I quote, “we don’t need both, that’s expensive, it’s not on sale.”

Let me repeat, the box of tea cost $4.99.

He’s not a cheap man in general. BUT, he does have a lot of thoughts about money and value. We all do.

My guess is some of my husband’s thoughts were:

  • That’s more than I usually pay for a box of tea.

  • That’s expensive.

  • Who knows if it will work.

  • What if it doesn’t work?

  • It’s not on sale (he actually said this one).

  • I don’t want to spend more than I have to.

Now let me give a little background, we were buying the tea because he has afib. A heart condition that is extremely uncomfortable to say the least. He is on medication for it, but does not like the side effects.

While he’s doing what his Dr. has suggested, he’s also looking for alternative things to try. A number of people in an online afib forum suggested this tea. It had helped to keep their afib at bay.

When I saw that the tea was $4.99, I had completely different thoughts than he did. Here are a few of mine:

  • That’s so cheap.

  • If it works it will be so worth it!

  • It’s worth a try.

  • One tea at Starbucks costs $4, and this has 16 bags for $4.99.

  • This may help to keep him out of the ER.

  • This may help him feel better.

  • This may help us both get more sleep.

  • It would be great if this helped.

  • His health is invaluable.

There are plenty of things that my husband buys that aren’t on sale. Cars, DirectTV, restaurant meals, gas, yard maintenance, pool service, cell phone service, and Starbucks to name a few.

But for some reason, this box of $4.99 tea seemed expensive to him.

Why? Because he didn’t yet value it. He was thinking about the cost if it didn’t work (what a waste), rather than what it would cost him if it did work, but didn’t benefit because he never tried it. What if he missed out because he didn’t try it, but it was just the thing he needed.

He was focusing on the teas potential to fail vs. the potential for it to work.

The question he could’ve asked is “if this works, and I’m in afib less, will the $4.99 be worth it?” Of course it would be. No brainer.

I used this example because people think it’s the amount of money that makes something expensive or not. That’s just not true. It’s how we think about the item and whether or not it’s valuable to us or not.

It’s perceived value.

When you’re not sure that something will work, it may seem expensive. But what if it did work and you never gave yourself the chance to find out? What would you be missing out on then?

$4.99 is just a number.

$600 is just a number.

$2000 is just a number.

$18k is just a number.

If your life is forever different because of what you decide to invest in, is it worth it to you? What did did it cost you if you are a better version of yourself? What did it cost you if you feel better? How many hours of your life could you reclaim that would’ve been spent in suffering or confusion?

When you’re ready for something different, the amount won’t matter. It’s all figuroutable. It’s just math.

What matters is when you want to invest in something that feels right for you, do you realize that how you choose to think about it is up to you.

You get to choose what you can afford. If you prioritize something and choose it, you then have a better chance of being able to “afford it”.

If you value something, it will be valuable to you.

If you’re ready to book a coaching consultation click the button below, pick a day/time and let’s do it!

Making Money As An Entrepreneur

Day 29: Money and Entrepreneurship

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Today I want to talk about something that I see a lot of. Entrepreneurs who want to believe that if they work hard and deliver stellar service it will all pay off in the end.

Now I don’t want to knock hard work and karma, but there’s one thing that also needs to happen. As a business owner you need to value yourself before others (your customers) will value you.

If you take a wait and see approach, believing that if you do what you love the money will follow, you won’t be doing what you love for long. You’ll burn out.

You also need to become comfortable realizing what you provide is valuable (in fact invaluable), meaning it’s probably worth much more than what you think. You then need to begin to ask for what you’re worth.

I work with a lot of entrepreneurs. Most of my clients work for themselves, are creative and many are in the helping or service industries.

They love to help people enjoy life, feel better, grow, and learn.

They tend to be big hearted givers. They believe in the inherent good in people.

They work hard and give it their all. They pour their hearts and souls into their businesses and believe that others will see the value and respond accordingly.

I also notice that many of them walk a tight line when it comes to generating revenue.

They want to make sure they’re seen as reasonable.

They have a lot of thoughts about those that they see in business that they feel are “taking advantage of people by charging too much.”

They don’t want to be “that guy or girl.”

One of my mentors, Brooke Castillo talks about how many entrepreneurs have what she refers to as a (Business that you work hard at. Job + Hobby = Jobby)

It’s a business that doesn’t generate enough income to pay yourself. You may be working very hard but you are not able to support yourself on what you bring in.

As an entrepreneur, nobody wants a jobby. Why? Because it isn’t sustainable. Without money it will not last.

One thing that I see that most if not all of my clients have in common is a disconnect between what they offer and what they charge. They tend to set their value and prices based on overhead expenses and cost of product or services being provided, which is a type of “mark up”, rather than perceived value.

The question to ask yourself is how is value determined? Who determines whether or not something is valuable?

Consider the following example:

Haircuts:

Option 1: $9.99 at SuperCuts, $60.00 at the neighborhood salon, $700 at a specialty salon.

I’ve tried all 3 and valued each for different reasons at different times in my life.

Option 1: When I’d waited too long to make an appointment and my person was booked, or I was growing my hair out longer, I paid $9.99 and just had my ends trimmed to even things up every now and then. Creativity was not necessary.

Option 2: When I had a shape that I liked and was wanting to get my hair cut more regularly, I found a salon that did a decent job and was easy to book a week out. $60.00 was worth it to me to maintain a cut that I liked.

Option 3: Back when Japanese straightening was a thing, I once paid $700 to have my hair cut and straightened. It was $100/hour and took them 7 hours to do my hair (really!) I was headed on a vacation to humid Hawaii and would’ve paid just about anything to make my hair easier to care for while on vacation. I didn’t want to deal with the frizz and the humidity and the water. The time saved by using this process was priceless.

I felt good paying at all three pricepoints. Why? Because I liked my reason for each. The value was different for each.

For option one, I valued the low price and ability to walk in without an appointment.

In option two, I appreciated going somewhere that they knew my name, had studied how best to shape my crazy curly hair and the attention to detail that they gave.

Option three was about convenience. I valued the time it would save me while on vacation that I could then spend with my family.

The service provided was the haircut. The value was what I gained each time, and the benefit I recieved. Value is individual to each person.

As business owners, it’s not our job to decide what our products value is for anyone. It’s not our job to decide ahead of time what our clients can pay. Their budgets are none of our business.

it’s our job to set our prices at a place that allows us to run a profitable business rather than a jobby. That ensures that we will be able to offer our services for years to come.

It’s our job to show up and do the best that we can no matter what we charge. Overdelivering on value always. It’s just more fun when you are actually getting paid for it.

Thoughts like “what if I seem selfish? what if people think my prices are ridiculous? I want to help people that don’t have as much. I want to reach the masses.”

If you have judgments about “people who have money, rich people, how people spend their money”, there is no place for that in busines. Noticing those judgements and working through them will help.

What people choose to like is individual. I love chai tea. I would probably pay waaaay more for a delicious cup of chai than most people. More than friends that don’t like chai that much.

There is no such thing as reasonable amount. If you’re goal is to only reach people that want to pay as little as possible, becaue it feels more “helpful”, your business will suffer. When you make more money in your business, you can actually help MORE people.

There’s nothing selfish about that.

Money is now one of my favorite areas to coach people on. I’ve done so much work on this area myself over the past few years. If you’re a creative entrepreneur who’d like to earn more let’s jump on a call. There’s still six months left to this year, let’s make that time work in your favor. If you’re ready to take a look at your money beliefs and how they are holding you back, book a free session with me today. ~Shaun