The Lessons Are In The Losses - Why Losing Is Good For You

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Here at the Roney household, the thing that happens on many Tuesdays is that my husband turns on America's Got Talent, and together we sit with our two dogs and watch what's happening in the world of talent. Gene loves to relax in front of the tv and sorta veg out. I love spending some time with him at the end of the day, so it's what we do.

Last night, I watched as 12-year-old Jeffrey Li geared up to perform. He was so nervous backstage, and 12! Did I mention that he was 12?! He stepped onstage, answered a few of the judge's questions and opened his mouth to sing a cover of Whitney Houston's song "One Moment In Time" and it was one of the most beautiful sounds I'd heard. (Besides Whitney's actual performance of the song).

I was rooting for him.

Fast forward to the end of the show, when he (along with another 12-year-old singer Angel Garcia, who was also pretty incredible) were both favor of a cat act (don't get me wrong, I love animals, I just thought that Jeffrey sang circles around them). As I watched the disappointment register on both of the boys faces, I said to my husband "it's a good lesson to have early, the lessons are in the losses." 

And it's so true.

When things constantly work out the way that we want them to, we don't learn how resilient we are. We don't develop tenacity and grit. We don't understand how much we can experience and actually survive, even thrive.

As Kelly Clarkson said, we don't realize that "what doesn't kill us makes us stronger".

The sooner we get an up-close glimpse of failure, the sooner we can practice becoming a determined person rather than a privileged person.

The sooner we learn that we can be amazing and still lose and come back even stronger.

The sooner we can learn that whether we win or lose doesn't determine who we are, but how we show up and how we get back in the game does.

So many of my clients are afraid to fail. Heck, I'm afraid to fail. But I push myself to fail anyway.

To collect failures like seashells and tuck them in my pocket.

To remember that for each fail, I learn something and grow in a direction that I wouldn't have, had I not failed. 

I've been failing for as long as I can remember and I don't plan on stopping anytime soon.

When we stop failing we stop growing. Failing is doable.

Take it from me.