ADHD and Missing the Mark

Day 8: Expectations

Photo by AndrewJShearer/iStock / Getty Images

Photo by AndrewJShearer/iStock / Getty Images

How many times have you set your ambition towards reaching a goal and come up short?

Felt like you worked your tail off and missed the mark?

Then become discouraged and quit because of thoughts like:

  • I’ll never get it right

  • I gave it my best shot and it still wasn’t good enough

  • I’ve done all that I can do. It’s just not meant to be.

  • It’s just different for me. There must be something wrong with me since everyone else is able to do it.

  • I’m at my max. capacity. I don’t have anything left to give.

  • I don’t know what else I can do.

  • I’ll never figure this out.

Here’s what I know about ADHD tendencies. We can hit something new that we’re excited about hard and fast.

Some of the most hard working, dedicated people I know have adhd tendencies. They (ahem, we) have this ability to give it 150% and hyperfocus when they’re excited about the possibility of something new. The potential of something working out, and coming to fruition is intoxicating.

We are full of amazing ideas.

When something doesn’t work out as we imagined, we can lose steam quickly. We can have a tendency to throw in the towel and move on to something more interesting.

Let me ask you this.

What if your ablility to “succeed”, or see something all the way through to what you imagined was possible was solely based on your commitment to stick it out?

What if the only thing that was “off” was our expectation of how much time something should take? (By the way, time blindness is a thing. ADDitutde Magazine defines it as “being unaware of the ticking of time”.

What if what we thought should take 1 month should actually take 1 year?

What if securing 1 new client took 100 offers, instead of 10?

What if cleaning a house took 8 hours instead of 1?

What if graduating from college took 8 years instead of 4?

(Ok confession, for this last example, there are some things that society has suggested. For example typically k-12 = 13 years of schooling…BUT (and this is a big but), for some people it will take 16…and what if that were ok?

What do you make it mean when you miss the intended mark?

What do you make it mean when you thought your business would be full blown up and running and full of customers within 2 years and it’s not? If you make it mean it’s not working, or you’re incapable, you may quit.

What if 3 years was the magic number for you? If you had just continued on for another year you would have realized your dream.

What if it just meant your expectations were just off? Like when your clock is not keeping the correct time. It’s just a technical problem. You reset and adjust the clock. You don’t think it was your fault the clock was wrong.

When we miss the mark, literally, we can have a tendency to think we didn’t even make it on the board.

What if, like in the picture above, we were justs barely off the mark?

What if we were right there and so, so close? Just one more throw away from hitting the target?

One of my go to thoughts when something doesn’t happen as quickly as I expected is, “oh, my expectations were off. Good to know.”

That’s it. End of story. Carry on.

That’s what happens when you decide to commit and stick with something no matter what.

In my experience that is the biggest challenge to overcome when you have adhd tendencies.


Because there is always something newer and shinier waiting in the wings.

We believe we have very, VERY high expectations of ourselves. We will knock ourselves out doing the thing. Then we believe our brains when they say it’s impossible because we did all we could.

What if we had more in us? What if the missing link was not effort but persistence, consistency. What if the high expectations we had of ourselves just weren’t quite high enough? It took a little more.

What if the ability to constrain your focus to what you chose in the first place, long enough for the shiney object to pass you by, was where dreams were made?

Have a fantastic weekend! ~Shaun

If we haven’t jumped on a 45-minute consultation call yet, why not?! What are you waiting for? Seriously. It’s my goal to give 150% to each and every consult I jump on. (Seriously, it’s what we adhd’ers do) I love people, love talking adhd and sharing resources. My goal with every consult is to help you gain some clarity. Of course if it’s a good fit, I would love to work with you as your coach. But it’s never the driving factor. I am not invested in getting you to say yes to coaching. I’m super invested in getting you to a place where you say yes or no and like your reason. I want to help shift those that are ready to shift. If that’s not you, it’ll just be a helpful call where you gain some clarity that you may not have had. I promise.

Book today and let’s see where it takes us.

The Path To Your Goal Is Paved With 1000 Pebbles


I woke up in the middle of the night and had an epiphany. As I’m coaching with clients, it’s common for them to say “I keep doing the things and nothing, I’m just not seeing the results that I want”. I’ve thought it many times myself.

By nature I’m what is referred to as a “quick start”. On the Kolbe index, it describes the instinctive way that a person deals with risk and uncertainty. A person that is not afraid to jump in and do the things. That’s me.

According to the Kolbe index, “these change makers add vision and risk to the mix. Always negotiable, they defy the odds and intuit pos­sibilities that would otherwise go untried. Because they instigate the unusual, people who operate in the initiating zone of Quick Start are natural promoters and entrepreneurs. Accommodating change is no problem for people who respond in Quick Start. For instance, they’ll go along if you change your mind at the last minute and want to see a different movie. “

I take action, I do things, and I adjust.

I take action, I do things, and I expect results.

What I realized the other night is that my expectations may be out of alignment. When I have a goal in mind, I envision where I want to end up, what it will take to get me there and what the obstacles may be. Often the obstacles appear in my mind as very, very large mountains or boulders that need to be scaled or overturned.

I think if they can’t be scaled or overturned then there must be a creative solution to get around them. (I love that one, problem solving is my favorite!)

On average, I imagine 3-6 very large obstacles at a time. Never more than that.

I had a belief that there are a few large obstacles in the way of our dreams, and if we feel afraid but still take action, and then creatively navigate the 3-6 very large obstacles, we would get to where we want to go.


It just made sense to me.


So many movies are based on this premise. The mission is in sight and yet there is one large obstacle in the way. One big problem to be solved.

I bought into the hype.

I want to solve the one very large problem!!

So when I woke up the other night, for some reason I woke up and the first thing that came to my mind was an image of 1000 pebbles. No boulder. No mountain. Just 1000 pebbles.

They were small, and smooth, and light, and the same.

Where do I start?

It doesn’t matter, just pick one and flip it over.

Pick another one, and flip it over.

And another…

And another…

What if the way to my goal is to flip 1000 pebbles? Am I willing to do it?

It sounds boring and uneventful.

Can I stick with it long enough?

What if I think the way to my goal is to flip 1000 pebbles, and actually it’s more like 100,000 pebbles? Am I willing to do THAT?

I decided that night as I drifted off back to sleep, yes, yes I am willing.

The next morning I woke up and got to work.

Flipping pebbles.