Rewritten Story

and so it begins...

Past job. Past relationship. What happened? Drama. What’s your drama?

All I know is…

It felt like I sold my soul. I was the living version of The Devil Wears Prada.

My bosses even said so. Laughed about it.

For a long time, my thoughts were: She just doesn’t trust me yet. See me yet. Know me yet. I am different. I am loyal. I am committed. I am ride or die. How dare he?

I know how to do tough things. I will rise above. I will be the bigger person. I will not let this get to me. Who does this? How can someone be so unaware? Are they unaware? Is this malicious? Why is it familiar? Why does it have the same vibration of a dysfunctional relationship? Why do I stay? What do I get from this?

Approval. Proof.

That I am tough and can withstand anything. I can do the impossible.

I’ll show them…why? What do I need to prove?

If I can do this, I can do anything.

How is this good for me?

I am stubborn. I don’t like to be wrong.

It’s ok to be wrong. It’s ok to be wrong, even when you’re not. People are allowed to think and believe whatever they want to about me.

I know my heart. I know my intentions.

Expectations were high, I thrived. Expectations were impossible, I died. Inside.

I made it mean I was weak. I was a quitter.

Was I?

I was questioned “Are you sure? You’ve tried to leave before.”

Victim blaming. Was I a victim? In my mind, at the time, yes.

Lightweight.

Now I have rewritten the story.

And so it begins. A new day, a new thought.

Past job. Past relationship. What happened? Drama, lots of it. But now it’s math, just math.

What’s my drama? Indulging in confusion.

It’s a thing of the past.

I choose clarity. I choose truth.

What I know now is…

I was an emotional child. I was a people pleaser, a liar.

I looked outside of myself for validation. I looked up for validation.

I didn’t look within for validation.

I did the best I could with what I knew at the time.

I stepped in line and filled my role. Beyond filled my role.

I am trustworthy.

I am loyal.

I am committed.

I am all ride, no die!

I know how to do tough things.

I will rise up.

I will make room for all thoughts…theirs, mine. Ours.

I will allow others to be who they are, because they are beautiful too. Oh yeah, also because it’s not in my control to do otherwise. I will choose to see the bits of beauty. It’s always there.

Something doesn’t feel good. That’s ok.

What is it?

I stayed because I was supposed to. It was a stepping stone towards a better me.

What did I get?

All that I needed, and then I left. Peacefully.

What did I give? All that I had, and then learned I will always have more.

I can do anything. No proof needed.

How was it good for me?

It must’ve been, because it happened.

I can be wrong. I am wrong. Often.

What is wrong?

High expectations felt like growth. Impossible expectations felt like fire. But are fine.

Until they’re not.

I’m free to choose where I want to spend my time and with whom.

I am strong and chose to stop…

…the drama.

No victim here.

Someone who chose to stay and then to go.

That is all.

So what happened you ask?

I worked and grew and left and grew some more.

What’s my drama you ask?

Yesterday was money, today is lack of time and tomorrow, who knows.

All I know is…

I’m getting better at math.

Are you a recovering people pleaser? Book a free 45 minute mini-session to get a feel for how coaching can help support your efforts.

Lessons Learned While Painting

One thing I know for sure is that I have had many different experiences in this little life of mine.  So many that I will call myself a Jane of All trades. My interests reach far and wide and are extremely varied.  The common thread that runs through them is that I've learned life lessons from each and every experience.  Things that I never expected to learn.  Surprisingly what I've learned has been much more about life than about the skills involved with each new interest.  I'm going to dedicate my Monday blog posts to these life lessons.  Each Monday I will share a different "Lessons Learned While..."  I hope you enjoy!

Three lessons that I learned while painting furniture were picking, process and perseverance.  

1) Picking-Let's talk about picking for a second.  As an up-cycler of furniture, my goal was to transform trash to treasure.  Start with something ugly and revamp it into something fabulous.  The process could take 1 hour or 60 hours depending on a few things like: how large was the piece, the type of wood it is, the prep work involved, how many finishes it will need, do I have to rebuild any part of it etc.  As I became more familiar with the time involved with the various steps, I was able to make wiser choices. I began to choose pieces that would take less time, but that would have just as extravagant results.  A transformation is a transformation. I learned to shorten the distance between Point A and Point B by being a better chooser.

Life Lesson:   Choose your way wisely...we all have the same number of hours in a day.

““Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.”
”

— Anthony G. Oettinger

2) Process-I learned that my "plan" was often not what mattered.  I needed a plan to get started...right? It generated motion.  As I would start moving along, there were many reasons that appeared, that would make it clear my original plan would not work.  I would have to detour.

 Sometimes what I envisioned was just not physically possible.  Sometimes it would take much more time than I had available.  Sometimes it would not be functional if done a certain way.  Sometimes I would accidently damage something.  

What that meant was DETOUR.  Stop, pay attention, change directions.

Life lesson:  Go with the flow.  Plan and set a goal, but pay attention and be ready to respond.  Life moves quickly and sometimes a change of plans is in order.

““Fate is shaped half by expectation, half by inattention.”
”

— Amy Tan

3) Perseverance-Starting and owning a business is no joke.  It's not for the faint of heart.  A situation arose about halfway through owning my furniture business where I could have thrown in the towel-to be honest, maybe should have thrown in the towel.  I just couldn't.  What bothered me the most is that I committed to myself (and someone else) that I would be all in for a year.  They were ok with releasing me from my commitment, but I couldn't release myself.  I stuck it out.  It wasn't easy. In fact it was very hard.  In the process though, I honored myself and was reminded that I have chutzpah.  I show up when I need to.  For myself. And others.  I can persevere.

Life lesson:  When I commit I show up.  It allows me to live with myself.  

““Real courage is when you know you’re licked before you begin, but you begin anyway and see it through no matter what.”
”

— Harper Lee