Why You Do The Same Things Over And Over Again

Day 30: Repeating Behaviors


We repeat what we don't repair. - Christine Langley-Obaugh

Have you ever noticed patterns in your life that show up again and again?

Maybe you see yourself as a victim in a personal relationship. But when you look closer, you realize that you see yourself as a victim at work, and of circumstances in general.

Maybe you delay making a big life decision. But when you look closer, you realize that you see yourself hitting the brakes when you make any decision. Where to eat, what to wear, when to change jobs…

Maybe you’re an all or nothing thinker. You’ve left a trail of past relationships where you’ve thrown yourself in hook, line and sinker and then at the first sign of trouble you burn it all to the ground and start anew.

Whatever it may be, what I know for certain is, this is the way it works.

We all have ways of being that are unique to us. We are sent here with an infinate number of paths to explore. Some appear more readily than others. We start out on one path and follow it until it intersects with another.

We do this throughout our lives. Day by day walking from one path to another.

Some paths are long and weave through decades of our lives. Others are short and seasonal.

Our childhood and present, mixed with our preferences and tendencies, combined with our unique wiring come alongside somebody else’s childhood and present, mixed with their preferences and tendencies, combined with their unique wiring.

When this combining occurs, sometimes it’s incredible and sometimes it’s not.

When it’s not, we are given the opportunity to decide how we want to respond. What we want to make it all mean. Whether we want to change and grow, or whether we want to stay in the land of the familiar and repeat the lesson at a later time.

I like to see patterns as paths.

There are some paths that we want to repeat.

There are some paths that we want to change.

There are some paths in need of repair.

There are some paths that we are not even conciously aware of.

This is where Life Coaching comes in.

A Life Coach can help you see the paths and patterns that you weren’t even aware of, the ones that are holding you back, and help to illuminate them with the light of awareness so that you can choose what’s best for you.

Coaching is not a one size fits all journey. We’re all individuals walking our own individual paths. What’s right for one person may not be right for another. You get to decide.

As we become curious, and explore and stay open to possibility our unique paths are revealed to us.

Paths in need of repair that don’t get the attention that they need, show up again further down the road disguised as a “new” situation.

I love when I discover a new way of being. When something that once felt painful is no longer so.

I love working with my clients and coaching them to a place where they can feel better. They can see the past painful patterns as what they are, optional.

If you’re ready for change but not sure exactly how to go about it. If you are unclear as to what you want but just know that things should be different and better, let’s get on a call. I’ve opened up a few additional consultations for next week and would love to talk with you. ~Shaun

ADHD: Breaking Old Patterns and Trying Something New

Day 12: Habits


Our brains are on repeat.

How we do one thing is how we’ll do everything.

Our way of be-ing in the world is the same from one situation to the next.

It’s something that I watch for in my clients.

I watch for their way of be-ing and how it may be causing them trouble.

How it may be showing up uninvited to the party.

Let me show you what it can look like.

When a potential client says “I want to stop procrastinating and make stronger decisions for myself.”, but then wants to wait to move into coaching until it feels like a better time, or until they can figure out if it’s the right time, I like to show them their thoughts. They’re typically thinking something that makes them feel bad, and when they feel bad they’re indecisive, stuck spinning, and taking little action (which is the EXACT opposite of who they want to become.) These thoughts cause them to procrastinate and not decide.

When a current client says “I can’t afford that. My husband makes all of the money.” I can tell that they really believe it. I did at one point!

They believe that the circumstances are out of their control.

I remember a big shift that happened for me was realizing that I could make what felt like a larger financial decision without telling my husband. I signed up for a program that cost $2000. It was before I had paid off another program (that he knew about) that cost $18k. I knew that this $2000 program was the next step that I needed for my growth. I also knew that if I did the work I’d make the money back eventually, but the plan was to do it within 30 days.

The same day I was thinking about joining and how to join, I got an email from Paypal offering me a working capital loan. I decided to apply and if I qualified I’d join the program. Done! I hit submit, qualified and purchased the program. I immediately got to work and did make my $2k back in less than 30 days. Now the program felt free and I was a lifetime member! Best investment ever.

I told my husband after the fact “you know how I made $6k last month? it was in part because I did this thing without telling you. I invested in myself. Guess what, he wasn’t worried about the money I’d spent because it was already paid back. He was more excited about how it helped me generate more income.

Another way that I see this show up is with jobs and people pleasing.

When you’re used to being a people pleaser you really really care about what other people think of you.

In a job situation, it can present as staying way too long at a job that is not meant for you. A place that you no longer want to be at. The people pleaser may eventually be let go and then they feel very upset and unnappreciated. They may take it personally that their boss didn’t like them very much or didn’t respect their boundaries. When we look a little closer what we usually discover is that they didn’t like themselves very much and they didn’t respect themselves enough to set boundaries. They didn’t appreciate themselves enough to move on when it wasn’t working. They didn’t appreciate themselves to speak up when they were unsatisfied.

We teach people how to treat us. How we show up in one area is ineveitbly how we’ll show up in another.

It’s part of why coaching can help. When we recognize a repeating pattern in ourselves, we start to see it in multiple areas of our lives.

If we’re a victim of circumstances, we tend to be a victim in our relationships, on our jobs, to our eating habits, in school. It can leave us feeling sad, anxious and powerless. All we need to do is practice feeling and acting differently in one of those areas and they will all begin to improve.

Our way of be-ing changes when we try on something new.