The Worst That Can Happen: ADHD and Anxiety

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Have you ever heard that saying? That 90% of what we worry about doesn’t end up happening.

I had heard it and when I really thought about it, I agreed. It was comforting to consider.

This blog post is not about that. Today I want to share about the 10% of not great stuff that DOES happen. 

By now you may know that I’m a mom with adhd and I have a son who also has adhd. It can make for some #funtimes (no really).

My son was 20, driving and often out late. I had spent at least 4 years worrying about what could happen while he was out. Freaking myself out. Fretting over the possibilities and my utter lack of control. Then it happened, one of the things I feared most.

I have always had a low lying anxiety for most of my life. Always just a little bit nervous or worried about things that “could” happen. As a child it was things that may happen to me. As a mom it became things that may happen to my kids.

As my son moved into the driving stage I noticed my anxiety increase.

What if he broke down on the side of the road? What if he drove too fast and wrecked? What if he didn’t pay attention to the lights? What if he crashed and ended up in a ditch? (I think this one was passed down from my mom and my teenage days)

What if, what if, what if?

It was a very fearful place to be in. As parents we try to do all of the things, hours of practice driving, track the phone so we know if they’re almost home, pray, pray, pray.

One night I went to bed at my usual time of 9:30, while my husband stayed up until what is typically close to Midnight before he heads to bed. After being asleep for a few hours, I woke up at 2:15am and noticed the bed was empty. I thought to myself “that’s strange” and felt a little curious. Just a hint of nerves.

I got up and peered over the stair rail. No husband on the couch. Hmm, that’s strange. 

I went downstairs to look for him. No husband to be seen. I checked the counter for his phone. No phone. Hmm, this is strange.

I was half asleep, but starting to panic. Telling myself “don’t panic, don’t panic”.

I checked the key rack for hubby’s keys. No keys. I mean NO KEYS. My son’s were not there either. 

I decided to look out of the front window to check the driveway for my son’s car - no car in the driveway. My brain decided to freak out a little bit.  My heart did a tap dance in my chest.

I called my husband. No answer. I called my son. No answer. I’m in full blown panic attack now. I can feel my heart pounding and racing. I feel light headed.

My phone rings and it’s my husband calling. He says the words “I’m at the Emergency room. Jami’s been burned. It’s bad.” Then silence. My brain exploded. I think “no, no, no, please God”.

My son then gets on the phone and says “mom I’m ok. They’re putting stuff on my face and hands and sending me home.” This is the moment I will remember…my brain took over and got very logical. It thought “he’s coming home. That’s a good sign.” I felt relieved, and waited.

He came home about an hour later. Hands bandaged. Face covered in what looked like vaseline (the stuff they use on firefighters to help with the pain and keep the skin moist). I cried. Tears of joy that he was alive.

Don’t get me wrong. He was not fine, but was going to be ok.

He had experienced a flash burn to the face while cooking at a friends house and putting water on a grease fire. He ended up with 1st and 2nd degree burns to his face and hands.

We ended up seeing a burn specialist the next day in San Francisco where they gave us the incredibly good news that he should heal up just fine over the course of a year.

The part that I have noticed now, a full year later is this. 

I worried for 4 years ahead of time, about “the worst that could happen” and felt awful.

Then, what I could imagine as the “worst that could happen” actually happened. My son was burned, and I felt awful for 48 hours.

Go figure. It wasn’t fun. But to be honest both were uncomfortable. All of the worrying I did beforehand did not prevent the injury from occuring.

The worry and discomfort ahead of time lasted for 4 years and was optional. 

The actual thing that I was worried could happen, DID happen and the discomfort lasted 48 hours.

This is how it works. You can worry ahead of time and suffer, or you can experience the discomfort when and if something happens and leave the suffering ahead of time alone.

If you’d like to learn more about how to manage your mind and anxious feelings, book a free consultation and let’s talk. You can start feeling better today.

The Real Reason Something Is Too Expensive For You

Let’s talk about spending money.

Have you ever had the thought “that’s way too expensive”?

Why?

The cost of something is relative. It’s neutral.

I had an experience the other day that I found fascinating.

My husband and I were in the grocery store and we went specifically to buy a box of tea.

Here’s a picture of what we were looking for.

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We found the box really quickly and it was $4.99.

I went to grab an additional flavor (peach), and my husband said, and I quote, “we don’t need both, that’s expensive, it’s not on sale.”

Let me repeat, the box of tea cost $4.99.

He’s not a cheap man in general. BUT, he does have a lot of thoughts about money and value. We all do.

My guess is some of my husband’s thoughts were:

  • That’s more than I usually pay for a box of tea.

  • That’s expensive.

  • Who knows if it will work.

  • What if it doesn’t work?

  • It’s not on sale (he actually said this one).

  • I don’t want to spend more than I have to.

Now let me give a little background, we were buying the tea because he has afib. A heart condition that is extremely uncomfortable to say the least. He is on medication for it, but does not like the side effects.

While he’s doing what his Dr. has suggested, he’s also looking for alternative things to try. A number of people in an online afib forum suggested this tea. It had helped to keep their afib at bay.

When I saw that the tea was $4.99, I had completely different thoughts than he did. Here are a few of mine:

  • That’s so cheap.

  • If it works it will be so worth it!

  • It’s worth a try.

  • One tea at Starbucks costs $4, and this has 16 bags for $4.99.

  • This may help to keep him out of the ER.

  • This may help him feel better.

  • This may help us both get more sleep.

  • It would be great if this helped.

  • His health is invaluable.

There are plenty of things that my husband buys that aren’t on sale. Cars, DirectTV, restaurant meals, gas, yard maintenance, pool service, cell phone service, and Starbucks to name a few.

But for some reason, this box of $4.99 tea seemed expensive to him.

Why? Because he didn’t yet value it. He was thinking about the cost if it didn’t work (what a waste), rather than what it would cost him if it did work, but didn’t benefit because he never tried it. What if he missed out because he didn’t try it, but it was just the thing he needed.

He was focusing on the teas potential to fail vs. the potential for it to work.

The question he could’ve asked is “if this works, and I’m in afib less, will the $4.99 be worth it?” Of course it would be. No brainer.

I used this example because people think it’s the amount of money that makes something expensive or not. That’s just not true. It’s how we think about the item and whether or not it’s valuable to us or not.

It’s perceived value.

When you’re not sure that something will work, it may seem expensive. But what if it did work and you never gave yourself the chance to find out? What would you be missing out on then?

$4.99 is just a number.

$600 is just a number.

$2000 is just a number.

$18k is just a number.

If your life is forever different because of what you decide to invest in, is it worth it to you? What did did it cost you if you are a better version of yourself? What did it cost you if you feel better? How many hours of your life could you reclaim that would’ve been spent in suffering or confusion?

When you’re ready for something different, the amount won’t matter. It’s all figuroutable. It’s just math.

What matters is when you want to invest in something that feels right for you, do you realize that how you choose to think about it is up to you.

You get to choose what you can afford. If you prioritize something and choose it, you then have a better chance of being able to “afford it”.

If you value something, it will be valuable to you.

If you’re ready to book a coaching consultation click the button below, pick a day/time and let’s do it!

Why You Do The Same Things Over And Over Again

Day 30: Repeating Behaviors

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We repeat what we don't repair. - Christine Langley-Obaugh

Have you ever noticed patterns in your life that show up again and again?

Maybe you see yourself as a victim in a personal relationship. But when you look closer, you realize that you see yourself as a victim at work, and of circumstances in general.

Maybe you delay making a big life decision. But when you look closer, you realize that you see yourself hitting the brakes when you make any decision. Where to eat, what to wear, when to change jobs…

Maybe you’re an all or nothing thinker. You’ve left a trail of past relationships where you’ve thrown yourself in hook, line and sinker and then at the first sign of trouble you burn it all to the ground and start anew.

Whatever it may be, what I know for certain is, this is the way it works.

We all have ways of being that are unique to us. We are sent here with an infinate number of paths to explore. Some appear more readily than others. We start out on one path and follow it until it intersects with another.

We do this throughout our lives. Day by day walking from one path to another.

Some paths are long and weave through decades of our lives. Others are short and seasonal.

Our childhood and present, mixed with our preferences and tendencies, combined with our unique wiring come alongside somebody else’s childhood and present, mixed with their preferences and tendencies, combined with their unique wiring.

When this combining occurs, sometimes it’s incredible and sometimes it’s not.

When it’s not, we are given the opportunity to decide how we want to respond. What we want to make it all mean. Whether we want to change and grow, or whether we want to stay in the land of the familiar and repeat the lesson at a later time.

I like to see patterns as paths.

There are some paths that we want to repeat.

There are some paths that we want to change.

There are some paths in need of repair.

There are some paths that we are not even conciously aware of.

This is where Life Coaching comes in.

A Life Coach can help you see the paths and patterns that you weren’t even aware of, the ones that are holding you back, and help to illuminate them with the light of awareness so that you can choose what’s best for you.

Coaching is not a one size fits all journey. We’re all individuals walking our own individual paths. What’s right for one person may not be right for another. You get to decide.

As we become curious, and explore and stay open to possibility our unique paths are revealed to us.

Paths in need of repair that don’t get the attention that they need, show up again further down the road disguised as a “new” situation.

I love when I discover a new way of being. When something that once felt painful is no longer so.

I love working with my clients and coaching them to a place where they can feel better. They can see the past painful patterns as what they are, optional.

If you’re ready for change but not sure exactly how to go about it. If you are unclear as to what you want but just know that things should be different and better, let’s get on a call. I’ve opened up a few additional consultations for next week and would love to talk with you. ~Shaun