The Magic Art of Managing Your Mind

Day 15: Mind Management

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Which comes first the chicken or the egg?

Do feelings happen to us or do we create how we feel by what we think?

For a minute, pretend with me that we have complete control over how we think.

What I mean is, there are situations or scenarios that happen in life, we then have thoughts about them (based on our unique life experiences), and our thoughts generate feelings in our body.

Now let’s take it a step further and really play this out.

Imagine you are in Vegas at a magic show. The magician (me) is 100% convinced that how you feel and act is 100% controlled by your brain (not by outer circumstances).

I’m going to prove it to you during my show, by hypnotizing you and “talking” to the part of your brain that regulates emotions, feelings and thoughts.

I tell you that after snapping my fingers and counting backwards from 5, you will be hypnotized. Able to hear my voice, but only one part of your brain will be actively engaged. The part that regulates emotions, feelings and thoughts.

I then tell you that I am going to describe 3 different scenarios and each time I do, I will hold up various “feeling” signs, and you are going to scan for that feeling in your body. If you feel it, you’ll raise your hand, and I’ll then ask you what you’re thinking and for you to share your thoughts with us.

Ok, here we go. Pretend with me that you’re now hypnotized and a part of the show.

Scenario one:

“5, 4, 3, 2, 1… I want you to imagine we’re nearing the end of our show, when suddenly a fire breaks out backstage. You’re all firefighters. ”

I hold up a card that says Brave and some of you raise your hands and share thoughts like “I’m trained for this. Don’t worry, I’ll save us. I’ve rescued someone from a fire before.”

Next I hold up a card that says Confident and some of you share thoughts like “I’ve got this. I’m the right person for this job. Nobody works better under pressure than me.”

Finally, I hold up a card that says Terrified and a few of you share the thoughts “What am I even doing here? This is bad. We’re going to die!”

Scenario two:

“5, 4, 3, 2, 1…next scenario. We’re all at a Broadway musical together and the lead singer injures themselves during scene 3. We’ll all be stuck in this theater together forever unless the entire show is complete.”

I hold up a card that says Capable and some of you share thoughts like “The show must go on! I’ll do my best to take their place and finish the show. This could be fun.”

Next I hold up the card that says Distracted and a few of you share the thought “This show was boring anyway. I wonder what’s happening outside of the theater? When are we going to eat?”

Finally, I hold up the card that says Excited and a couple of you share the thoughts “I’ve always wanted to act on the big stage! This may be my big break! I wonder who might discover me!”

Scenario three:

“5, 4, 3, 2, 1…next scenario. The fire is under control and the show is over. You are all detectives and are tasked with figuring out what happened. Who set the fire and how did the lead actress get injured?”

I hold up the card that says Curious and some of you raise your hands and share thoughts like “I wonder where the fire started and who was backstage at that time. Could there be a connection between the actress getting injured and the fire?”

Next I hold up the card that says Determined and some of you share that you’re thinking “I’m going to ask questions until I get to the bottom of this. I’ll figure this out no matter what.”

Finally, I hold up the card that says Exhausted and a few of you think “Just what I need, another open case. I’ve got too many that I’m working on already. I’m so tired.”

“Now I’m going to count backwards from 10 and you’re all going to slowly come back to the present, using all parts of your brain. You’ll hold on to the belief that you can create your feelings with your mind.

Wait, what if you really can create feelings with your mind?

What if what you chose to think determines how you feel?

What if setting down feelings of distraction, boredom, overwhelm, worry, confusion becomes easier when we notice what we’re thinking when we feel those things?

What if rather than make it mean our brains are broken, or doing their own things and running the show, we just made it mean our brain was normal and just needed a baby sitter. Someone in charge.

As humans, we have the ability to think about what we think about. We can decide if a thought is serving us. If it’s making us feel the way we want to feel.

If a particular feeling isn’t working for us, we can change it. By thinking something different.

We often think we need to DO something different to feel better. It starts with THINKING something different.

Once we think differently, we’ll feel differently and can DO differently from there.

If you have any interest in learning how this is done, join me for my next free lunch and learn webinar on May 29th at 12 Noon PST.

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How to Feel Calm When You Miss A Flight


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Here’s the scene.

My family and I had just spent a fabulous 4 days in New Orleans eating our way through the City.

We soaked up the warmth and the culture, where our Creole roots were formed.

For all intents and purposes the trip was a success! Celebrating my son’s 21st birthday with my daughter, son and husband was so much fun.

There was one night of dra-aaa-maa…there always is on vacation. I see a trend. Tensions can run high. People have different expectations and ways of vacationing.

But back to the story…

4 fun-filled days. Our flight out is sceduled for 7am. We wake up at 4:45am planning to throw our clothes on and catch a Lyft to the airport in plenty of time for our flight.

What actually happens is this. My daughter (who’d booked our flights when she saw a deal) comes into my room at 4:45 asking “What time does it say our flight is in your phone?”

Me: “Umm, 7am”

Daughter: “Ok (long pause), mine says 7 in one message and 5:30am in another. I got a text message ‘reminding’ me of our updated time of 5:30, which I had no idea about.”

Silence…

Daughter: “I’m pretty sure our flght got changed to 5:30am and I didn’t see the message.”

Me: “Okay. Well, let’s get the boys up and moving and get there as fast as we can.”

*Side note: the airport is 20 minutes away and we need to call a Lyft. There’s no possible way to get there by 5:30am.

I remember having a conscious thought at this moment. I asked myself a key question. “How do I want to feel about all of the potential drama that is about to happen?”

Me (to self): Calm

My thought (T) became “Whatever happens we will just have to roll with it and make the most of it.”

My feeling (F) = Calm.

Let me tell you, as a praying Christian woman, I was also praying like all get out in that car on the way to the airport.

I did not want to see what happened if and when they told us we’d missed our flight. (My husband would blow a gasket!)

Daughter (in the car on the way to the airport): “I’m sure we missed our flight. There aren’t any others. I’ve checked.”

Me: Silence (Praying and thinking my (T) thought (see above) over and over again.

We get to the airport. I tell my daughter to go ahead and put in our confirmation number so that we can check our bags. (Fingers crossed)

She does so and up pops a bright red message that said “This flight has already departed.”

We are screwed! No seriously. I had a moment where I wasn’t sure what to do.

I walked over to two ladies in United uniforms and asked where the ticketing counter was…as we had a problem.

She explained that this was it. No counter. An automated bag check and a few emplyees available to help.

I channeled my inner feeling of calm and explained what had happened.

Message about changed flight missed.

Text message received this morning too late.

Flight missed.

What can be done?

Silence.

She started working on her computer, punching in information.

A few minutes later she said, “I’ve got you rebooked on a flight through Denver (instead of Houston). You’ll get back to the Bay Area at the same time.”

No extra fee.

I thanked her sincerely and off we went.

We’ve never missed a flight. This felt scary.

The circumstances felt dire. How we decided to feel about them felt optional.

I shocked myself with how calm I felt. It took some conscious work on my part. It was worth it.

Freaking out is always optional.

I’d love to talk with you more about that if you’re interested.

~Shaun


Ever Felt Like You’re Walking On Eggshells?

Day 13: Eggshells

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Have you ever felt like you’re walking on eggshells?

Trying to behave a certain way so that someone else feels a certain way?

It can be exhausting.

I was in a relationship once where I thought that I could manage my boyfriends emotions by being and acting a certain way.

I thought that if I could anticipate what he was thinking and feeling, I could tell what would make him upset and do the opposite, so that he could be his best self.

The problem was, I then wasn’t being my best self.

I was altering my natural behavior to accommodate his behavior.

It was unfair to both of us.

I was not being true to myself.

I was not allowing him to grow into his best self.

It didn’t last.

Here’s the thing. You and only you, are responsible for how you feel.

You cannot delegate how you feel to someone else.

If they don’t do what you want them to do, you’ll feel bad.

When you are responsible for your own feelings, no matter what someone else does, you will be fine.

You can feel fine.

No matter what they say or think about you, it all works out.

They can be wrong about you.

They can be confused.

You know who you are.

Curious how that works?

Let’s talk.

~Shaun