Feelings

ADHD and Intuition: When To Go With Your Gut

Day 24: Intuition

Do you listen to your gut?

I don’t mean do you hear your stomach gurgle when you’re hungry.

I mean do you pay attention to those inner thoughts of yours?

When something just feels right, do you go with it, or do you stop yourself?

I have always had a strong intuition. I don’t always know why or how, but sometimes I just feel in my gut that something is right and I go with it.

Caution! When you have ADHD tendencies, this can also be labeled as impulsivity.

Here’s a few ways that I check in with myself and decide when to go with the flow and when to say no.

1) What’s the potential cost? Literally what will it cost me if I’m wrong? I like to consider this before making a final decision. I’ve ended up with more websites than I care to admit to because honestly it’s $11.99 via GoDaddy to purchase some virtual real estate for an idea and that is worth the risk in my book. The cost if I change my mind is low and if I decide to go with my idea I have what I need to get started.

2) Gut or desire? Sometimes when I really want something with my mind, it can be hard to hear my heart. I need to sit with it awhile and be honest with myself. I need to ask myself “is this something that I just really, really want, or is it something that I genuinely feel is the right move from a gut instinct?” The two are very different in the way they feel. A gut instinct feels grounding and solid and certain to me. A desire feels hopeful, and exciting and much more “airy” if that’s a thing?

3) Impulsive or decisive? If I feel like I have to decide now and there’s no waiting, it feels impulsive. If I can give myself the space of 24-48 hours to consider and think about something before I commit it feels much more decisive. More intentional.

I believe that when we learn to pay attention to our intuition it can truly be a gift to us. It can be a skill that we hone. When we study and learn what intuition feels like, we can use it to guide us in the direction that we go.

When we don’t take the time to notice what it feels like for us, and really recognizing how it shows up, we can easily pretend that it’s something that it’s not. When this happens, it can take us off course and lead us down a path of distraction.

Tell me, is your intuitive muscle strong? How do you know when what you’re feeling is intuition or desire? Join me over on my Facebook page and share your thoughts.

~Shaun


ADHD and Emotions: Feel Your Way Forward

Day 17: Feelings

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“ Emotions can get in the way or get you on the way. “ -Mavis Mazhura

Emotional Regulation can be challenging when you have ADHD tendencies.

You can have a tendency to feel strongly. It can be difficult to manage your emotions. Today I want to talk about how you can feel your way forward, rather than staying stuck.

You can take back the reigns when it comes to your feelings and practice managing them. It’s a skill.

The past two days I’ve been focused on the 5 step tool that I use with my clients that’s called The Model. It’s a framework that’s based on universal truths and was created by Brooke Castillo.

There’s an acronym to help you remember it. C-T-F-A-R. Each letter represents one of the 5 steps in order.

Step 1 is Circumstances. If you didn’t read the post that talked about how we define circumstances for purposes of using the model hop on over to that post here.

Step 2 is Thoughts. We looked at how a thought is just a sentence in our brain. You can read more about that here.

Today we’re going to focus on Step 3, which is Feelings. When we’re using The Model, we’re going to describe a feeling as a one word emotion that you can feel in your body.

Some examples of common feelings are happy, sad, excited, nervous, overwhelmed, distracted, or confused.

There are thousands of feelings available to us.

When we think a thought, it generates a feeling in our body.

For example, the thought “she shouldn’t talk to me like that” can generate the feeling of anger. For others it may generate the feeling of sad. For still others it may create the feeling confused.

What we think about something creates how we feel.

Growing up we often learn that other people cause us to feel upset. That other people can hurt our feelings. It’s just not true.

Here’s an example, someone can say something about us and we will have no idea it was said, and we will not feel any kind of way about it.

Once we find out we feel hurt, or mad or disappointed, and we tend to think it’s because of what they said. Because what they said was hurtful.

If that were true, we would feel hurt the moment it came out of their mouth. The actual act of someone talking about us doesn’t make us feel bad.

It’s the thoughts that we think once we find out that something was said, that make us feel bad.

Thoughts like:

  • “That’s not very nice.”

  • “They shouldn’t say things like that.”

  • “I would never say that.”

  • “That’s the rudest thing I ever heard.”

  • “I thought they were my friend.”

These thoughts (and others) then generate our feelings.

The good news here is that if you are creating the feelings, that means you can also stop creating them.

This gives you 100% license over your emotional life. When we allow ourselves to believe that our emotions are caused by others actions or words, it’s such a disempowering place to be.

Why? Because it takes things completely out of our hands!

When we take full responsibility for how we feel, we are operating from a place of what’s called Emotional Adulthood. When we believe that others are causing our feelings, we’re operating from a place of emotional childhood.

Where in your life are you giving your personal power away to others? Where do you feel at the mercy of what someone else says?

When we feel a negative emotion, we’re likely to get a negative result. When we feel a positive emotion, we’re likely to get a positive result.

The first step is just to become aware of what it is that we’re feeling and why.

~Shaun

If you’ve been thinking about booking a free consultation and haven’t yet, let’s do it. Learn how to stop the feelings of overwhelm, procrastination, bored, unfocused and generate more useful feelings for yourself. It’s not easy, but it’ll be worth it.

Sensitivity Tuning Dial

Day 3: Sensitivity

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Most of the time I consider my sensitivity to be my super power.

It’s something that I was born with.

I care deeply. I feel deeply.

As a child I remember with my close friendships, the closeness I felt was all encompassing. I was either having the best time ever playing with a friend, or I was crushed because they were upset with me.

As I look at how it serves me today, I believe that it makes me an amazing coach. I care deeply about my clients. I spend time outside of our sessions considering how to coach in a way that will be most helpful for them.

I show up for my friends and family because I care.

I have a deep appreciation for nature and animals because of my sensitivity.

High quality doesn’t miss me. I appreciate quality time spent, nice quality fabrics, good quality food. I believe my sensitivity is a part of the reason why. I am sensitive to quality. I notice it.

With all this good there for sure come some challenges.

I can’t watch a scary movie with my family if I tried. Too intense.

I hate the feeling of conflict. It is an almost instant physical reaction for me. I know it’s necessary and even helpful, but I have to work really hard at not reacting to things as a way to prevent conflict. (Hello fellow #peoplepleasers of the world!)

Because of being sensitive to conflict, I tend to avoid having tough conversations. Or I sensor myself before speaking because it feels like I can unknowingly and unmeaningly (is that a word?) make people close to me upset.

It can be an exhausting way to live. I’m working on it. I’m working on being ok with me being me, and allowing others to react however they want to without thinking I should have, could have said something differently so they could feel better.

I’m sensitive to loud, unexpected noises.

I’m sensitive to clothing. Especially the tags! I tend to tear them out.

What I’ve been practicing is turning my sensitivity dial up and down.

When I want more sensitivity, really focusing on creating more by thinking thoughts like.

“I want to give them 100% of my attention.”

“All that matters right now is being present.”

“I wonder what they’re thinking.”

“What if there was nothing to defend?” (when I feel defensive).

When I want to be a little less sensitive in a situation, I’m practicing dialing down my sensitivity and speaking up. Thinking things like,

“I get to choose how I want to feel about this.”

“How do I want to show up right now?”

“Speak up and stop sugar coating the truth.”

I’m also going to start picturing a giant sensitivity dial in my mind that I can tune to the exact setting that I’d like it to be at in any given circumstance.

In my mind, it’s a type of muscle, or skill really, that I can build up.

Do you consider yourself a highly sensitive person (HSP)? How does it show up for you? Reply in the comments. ~

~Shaun