ADHD and Free Will: The Rumors Are True, You Can Choose More For Yourself

Day 21: Choice

When we have adhd tendencies, it can feel like we can’t make ourselves do what we know we should do.

Like we’re at the effect of those around us and worse yet, our own brains!

Let me be the first to tell you. It’s a lie. The stereotype of adhd that says you just can’t help but to follow the shiny object is wrong.

Rumor has it that you can choose to believe something different about yourself. Guess what?! It’s true!

You have the power within you to choose more. We all do.

In every situation you may find yourself in, you always have a choice.

Many of my clients don’t believe that. In fact, I’d say many people don’t believe that.

They want to say “You don’t know my situation. I literally don’t have a choice. It’s out of my control.”

When you say that, you’re using the most disempowered voice available to you.

You’re choosing to act as if decisions happen outside of you.

Here this. No matter the situation, you alwaaaayyyyyysssss have a choice. Even when you feel like you don’t.

You may feel like the cards area stacked against you. Like the only option is to do what you’re doing.

• More bills than income

• A husband who’s the primary breadwinner, so no “say” in how money is spent.

• A relative who needs financial help

• A health diagnosis that is affecting your day to day life

• A job that is not satisfying, but is what puts food on the table

• A project that has multiple steps that feels overwhelming

Whatever it is. You can choose how to react to it. How to respond. What you’re going to do about it.

You believe that the only thing to do is accept it until you can “catch a break”.

Can I sing a little Bon Jovi to you for a moment?

“Tomorrow's getting harder, make no mistake
Luck ain't enough
You've got to make your own breaks.”

~Lyrics from “It’s My Life” by Bon Jovi

That last line…”You’ve got to make your own breaks.”

The way you make your own breaks is to question your thought that the way you’re doing it is the only way.

That’s never easy. Your brain will offer up lots of proof that it’s true. Your brain is scared and wants to protect you from the worst thing that can happen. Whatever that may be.

The way to question what you doing is to ask yourself do you like what you’re choosing? Do you like why you’re choosing it?

If you don’t like what you’re choosing, and you don’t like why you’re choosing it (because it feels like the only choice), let’s jump on a consult call. Give me 45 minutes of your time to help you gain some perspective on how you might consider choosing differently. That’s all it takes to get you headed in the direction of your choice.

On that call my goal is to help you see that change is possible. I know it is for those that are ready. It is my goal to help you gain some clarity, and come to a decision if you’re ready to change your life or not by working together in a coaching relationship.

I’m 100% ok no matter what you decide, I just want to help you decide what you really want and help you determine if you like your reason for choosing it. It’s the first step in making better decisions for yourself in all areas of life.

If you want more, it’s available to you. I’d love to show you how. It’s one of the things I do as a Life Coach. ~Shaun

PS Check out today’s bonus! I get some of my best ideas while I’m driving or in the shower. Today’s post was inspired by some thoughts that I had while driving yesterday. Thought I’d share the audio here, even though the quality is not so great (and I use the word “like” a million times). It’s unedited, but passionate. Thought it may inspire someone.

Your Brain: Is It Your Biggest Ally or Your Worst Enemy?

Day 16: Evidence

If you’ve been waiting for a sign that you’re on the right path, or in the right place, rest assured this is it.

But no really.

How many of you have an idea of the direction you want to head?

How many of you then set out in that direction, and then along the way look for evidence that you’ve made the right decision/choice?

We’ve all done it. It feels good to have some reassurance when you’re venturing off into new territory.

Here’s the thing that I want to share with you though, you are completely in control of that. All of the time.

When you look for evidence that you’re doing the right thing, your brain will scan for evidence that you’re doing the right thing. And get this. IT WILL FIND IT!

That’s what our brains do.

On the other hand, if you set off in a direction that you don’t really want to head, and you look for evidence that you’ve made a bad choice…YOUR BRAIN WILL FIND THAT TOO!

Whatever it is that you task your brain with looking for, it will be really good at finding. Our brains always want to be right. Crazy hunh?!

Here’s what I suggest to get around this little snafu. Decide what it is that you want. I mean really, really want. (cue Spice Girls)

From a place of conciously thinking about it. Decide to move towards it. Then ask your brain to show you all of the ways that it is the perfect decsion for you.

Once your brain shows you all of the ways, believe it. With all of your heart. And keep taking action from that belief.

It will get you exactly where you need to go.

~Shaun

How to Stop Being Indecisive: The Magic Art of Making More Time

Day 1: Indecision

How decisive are you?

Answer that question right now in your mind.

Most of the time, when it comes to making a decision I hear people say:

• I don't know what I want.

• I'm not sure what to do.

• It's hard for me to choose. It doesn't really matter to me.

• I'll just wait and see what happens.

• What's meant to be will be.

• If it's God's will...

• I don't know what I like.

I used to say some of these things. I used to see myself as a chameleon. I could adapt to whatever the other person decided, and for the most part be happy.

I was "easy" and "flexible". I was also afraid.

Afraid of seeming weird. Afraid of rocking the boat. 

I was "accommodating" and "down for anything". I was also undervaluing myself, my opinion.

It sounds so silly to me now. Why didn't I take a little time to figure out what it was that I actually wanted? What it was that I actually liked? What my preferences were? Who I was?

The past year or so I've practiced making strong decisions.

What do I mean by that? I made a list of things that I liked. Things I wanted to do. Restaurants to try.

When someone asked my opinion I gave it. Honestly. 

I decided to not spend a lot of time making a decision, but rather to decide and then stick to it. Have my own back. Not waiver. I decided on purpose to like my reason.

If I want to take a course I set a time to consider it, decide and then don't look back.

The more I've done this, the easier it's become. It showed up in a funny way this past weekend.

My husband and I were cleaning out the garage. We are downsizing and preparing our house to list. As we were going through piles of stuff collected over the years, I found myself thinking:

1. Do I love this? Yes, it'd go to the keep pile. No, I'd go to question #2.

2. Can someone use this? Yes, it'd go to the American Cancer Society pile. No, I'd go to question #3.

3. Is this broken or trash? I'd pitch it. 

This process was fast. I was sorting and piling in less than a minute or so for each item.

Every now and then my husband, who typically has very strong opinions, would ask me "Should we keep this?" and it would be like a bottle of cleaner that was 5 years old, or some old electronic equipment (cd player anyone?)

I found myself getting irritated. I had worked so hard to get efficient at making decisions and here he was asking me about things that really could have all been pitched in the trash. 

I finally said to him in a lighthearted voice "Look, you have my permission to make a strong decision and just do it. We don't need to have a team effort for this stuff." 

He got the hint and we moved on.

For the first time I noticed what making strong decisions has done for me. It's given me some time back. The less time I spend in indecision, the more time I have to spend on things and people that are important to me.

In fact, making strong decisions has morphed into a 4 day work week for me. I've tightened up my decisions M-Th, so that I can take Fridays off. 

How fun is that?!

Being indecisive ultimately costs us time.

If you’re ready to take back control of your time and live a life by design, use the button below to book a free 45 minute consultation. You’ve got nothing to lose and so much to gain.