Why You Do The Same Things Over And Over Again

Day 30: Repeating Behaviors

We repeat what we don't repair. - Christine Langley-Obaugh

Have you ever noticed patterns in your life that show up again and again?

Maybe you see yourself as a victim in a personal relationship. But when you look closer, you realize that you see yourself as a victim at work, and of circumstances in general.

Maybe you delay making a big life decision. But when you look closer, you realize that you see yourself hitting the brakes when you make any decision. Where to eat, what to wear, when to change jobs…

Maybe you’re an all or nothing thinker. You’ve left a trail of past relationships where you’ve thrown yourself in hook, line and sinker and then at the first sign of trouble you burn it all to the ground and start anew.

Whatever it may be, what I know for certain is, this is the way it works.

We all have ways of being that are unique to us. We are sent here with an infinate number of paths to explore. Some appear more readily than others. We start out on one path and follow it until it intersects with another.

We do this throughout our lives. Day by day walking from one path to another.

Some paths are long and weave through decades of our lives. Others are short and seasonal.

Our childhood and present, mixed with our preferences and tendencies, combined with our unique wiring come alongside somebody else’s childhood and present, mixed with their preferences and tendencies, combined with their unique wiring.

When this combining occurs, sometimes it’s incredible and sometimes it’s not.

When it’s not, we are given the opportunity to decide how we want to respond. What we want to make it all mean. Whether we want to change and grow, or whether we want to stay in the land of the familiar and repeat the lesson at a later time.

I like to see patterns as paths.

There are some paths that we want to repeat.

There are some paths that we want to change.

There are some paths in need of repair.

There are some paths that we are not even conciously aware of.

This is where Life Coaching comes in.

A Life Coach can help you see the paths and patterns that you weren’t even aware of, the ones that are holding you back, and help to illuminate them with the light of awareness so that you can choose what’s best for you.

Coaching is not a one size fits all journey. We’re all individuals walking our own individual paths. What’s right for one person may not be right for another. You get to decide.

As we become curious, and explore and stay open to possibility our unique paths are revealed to us.

Paths in need of repair that don’t get the attention that they need, show up again further down the road disguised as a “new” situation.

I love when I discover a new way of being. When something that once felt painful is no longer so.

I love working with my clients and coaching them to a place where they can feel better. They can see the past painful patterns as what they are, optional.

If you’re ready for change but not sure exactly how to go about it. If you are unclear as to what you want but just know that things should be different and better, let’s get on a call. I’ve opened up a few additional consultations for next week and would love to talk with you. ~Shaun

Top 3 Reasons To Work With A Life Coach

Day 10: Life Coaching

Today I want to spend a little bit of time sharing what exactly a Life Coach is and why you may want to work with one.

There are times in life when we can all use some outside perspective.

Times when things aren’t quite going as planned, or aren’t quite as clear as we want them to be.

When this happens, a Life Coach can be there to help you create forward motion.

The focus is not on your past, but rather on your present and future.

As a Coach, I am there to ask you powerful questions so that you’re better equipped to make powerful decisions for yourself.

It’s not my job to tell you what to do. It’s my job to help uncover what you’d like to do and why.

I’ve noticed 3 specific times when it can be extremely helpful to work with a Life Coach. Those times are:

1) When you have a specific goal in mind that you’ve been unable to achieve.

2) When you are feeling overwhelmed and uncertain of which direction your life is headed. You look up one day and realize life is passing you by.

3) You’re in a period of transition and wanting clarity around how to navigate the changes.

Let’s take an even closer look at each of these areas, and some specific examples for each.

You have a specific goal in mind that you’ve been unable to achieve.

• You own your own business, but it’s more of a ‘jobby’ then a job. Meaning, you work hard, but have been unable to generate the income that you had hoped to generate.

• You’ve been striving for work/life balance for the past 10+ years and have yet to achieve it. It feels like your days are defined by work and basic daily necessities (laundry, grocery shopping, kids and bill paying). You want more but are unsure of how to find the time.

You are feeling overwhelmed and uncertain of which direction your life is headed. You look up one day and realize life is passing you by.

• You started out with hopes and dreams of what you wanted to be when you grew up. Now here you are grown, with children headed off to college, and uncertain about where your relationship stands, what your purpose is and what’s next.

• Your house is a mess and you feel completely unorganized within your space. You can’t find what you need when you need it. Because of the chaos you miss deadlines, are often running late and feeling unprepared.

You’re in a period of transition and wanting clarity around how to navigate the changes.

• You’re in a relationship and unhappy. You feel frustrated and hopeless because you don’t see the other person changing any time soon.

• You’ve struggled with prioritizing, punctuality, and planning for most of your life. You’ve joked that you’re “so adhd” to friends and family. The problem is that it doesn’t feel very funny. You wonder sometimes if there’s something to it? or maybe you’ve just recently been diagnosed with adhd and you’re not sure what it means. Now what?

I can help. I’ve been there and have navigated those waters myself along with the help of my coach. It’s really changed the way I approach things and how I feel on a daily basis.

As a Life Coach I meet with my clients weekly for 45 minutes.

Our calls are done over Zoom (video conference), are private and can be done from the comfort of your own home. (If you prefer, calls can be done audio only so as not to distract you)

I offer a free 45-minute consultation to help you get started. Taking that first step is the hardest. After that, it’s so nice to have someone that you talk to weekly to clear out your brain, (and course correct if needed) so that you are living life on your terms, the way that you want to.

The 45-minute consultation is my gift to you. If you’re considering coaching, and are ready to invest the time and money to make the changes in life that you’re wanting to make, perfect! Book a call below.

We’ll use the time as a way to determine what you feel the problem is, how I can help and if we’d be a good fit. If you decide to move forward with coaching, we can get started right away and in 3 months you will feel so much better and more in control.

If you decide not to move forward with coaching at this time, no problem. You will have gained some clarity around what it is that you want. You will know what to expect if you decide to work together in the future.

The one thing that’s certain is if you keep going the way you’re going you’ll end up with the same results. The only way to have a different outcome is to try something different.

I’m invested in helping you make a decision for yourself one way or the other, and help you make sure that you like your reason. That in and of itself can be helpful. Coaching works when a person is ready.

If you’re ready, book a session today. ~Shaun

Decision Making: Why Is It So Hard To Choose?

What is it about making decisions that can feel so hard?

This comes up eventually in almost all of my coaching sessions.

A decision needs to be made, large, small, in between. It doesn’t really matter.

In the moment, it feels like a very large and very serious decision, no matter what it’s about. Life or death. For sure.

And for some reason it feels impossible to make it. To decide.

When I ask my clients why? Why is it hard to choose?

They tell me the following:

• “What if I make the wrong decision?”

• “What if I regret my decision?”

• “What if it turns out bad and I get blamed?”

• “What if the consequences are bad and my fault?”

• “What if I change my mind later?”

Let’s take a look at these a little bit closer.

Is there a such thing as a wrong decision?

What if everything worked in your favor no matter what you chose?

Romans 8:28 is a favorite verse of mine.

“And we know that for those who love God, that is, for those who are called according to his purpose, all things are working together for good.”

All things!

No matter what decision we make, it will happen FOR us.

Even if it feels like it’s not working out the way we intended, or desired, we can have faith in the fact that in the larger picture it will contribute to our good.

What is regret?

According to the dictionary, regret is: a feeling of sadness, repentance, or disappointment over something that has happened or been done.

Let me repeat the first part…regret is a feeling.

What do we know about feelings?

That we create them ourselves with what we choose to think.

We can think a thought, like “I knew I should’ve chosen the other one. Now I’m stuck with this.” and feel regret.

Or we can think a thought like “I got the perfect one for me. How do I know that? Because it’s the one that I have.” and feel confident in our selection.

Who decides if something’s bad?

And who decides if we feel blame?

Good news again! We do.

For every single thing that happens, we get to decide if we are going to find the bad in it or the good in it. There’s always both.

Let’s say something doesn’t go as planned, and someone “blames you for making the wrong decision”. You get to decide if you want to agree with them and join that party, or not.

Let them think what they want. They will anyways. You get to decide if you want to think the same thing.

The good thing about others being allowed to think whatever they want, is we get to do the same thing!

Next time you’re faced with a decision treat it like a band aid that you forgot was there. It needs to come off and the faster the better.

Ask yourself if either option worked out perfectly, exactly the way that you wanted them to, which would you choose then?

Go with that one.

You feel stuck because you’re delaying the decision. Making a choice actually takes less than 30 seconds.

Rather than choosing an option, and making the decision, you’re choosing to stay stuck.

It’s not happening to you. You’re choosing it.

You make a decision the same way. Just choose.

If you think you may need a life coach in your life, I’d love to talk with you. Book a free 45 minute mini-session to find out what it’s all about and how it can help you launch into the next version of yourself!